So, we tore down Project No Compression's original motor, And it was in surprisingly good shape, The Valve Train was all in decent shape, the Cam was fine, the lifters looked good, everything rotated great, no visible problems with the head or valves, the Cylinder walls weren't scored, no broken rings..
Final diagnoses though; Rings were totally wore out, you could literally see past the whole set into the crankcase...
Eh, shoulda just thrown some 90w gear oil in the crankcase and run the sucker till it completelty gave up